First of all, girls who travel don’t exist. WOMEN. Women travel. You cannot be a child and travel the world solo. That’s the first of many things that puts me off about all these articles lauding the wonders of dating a “girl” who travels. This article tries to sell the “girl” who travels as a good catch insisting “[she] is someone you want in your life”, while this one touts the preparedness, reliability, and humility of the traveling woman to make up for her supposed lack of femininity.
PUH-lease! We don’t need advertising. Women who travel are already amazing and are not objects in need (or want) of sale.
“But you’ll be so much better with her,” this article whines. Dating this woman “will have changed you for the better, making you a more well-rounded, exciting person.”
Pffft. That is exactly my point – you would need her.
She doesn’t need you.
Not when the whole world is her oyster.
Here’s why you shouldn’t bother dating a woman who travels:
She’s independent.
A woman who travels is no damsel in distress. She doesn’t need you because she can take care of herself. Tracking down lost luggage, navigating public transit in a foreign language, moving to a city she’s never been to (let alone heard of) – this woman doesn’t know what “can’t” means. She’s changed planes, trains, and busses with oversized suitcases, dealt with cockroach-infested apartment buildings, and spent too many nights in airports. The woman who travels isn’t afraid to do things on her own and actually, she prefers it that way.
She’s uncompromising and impatient.
She makes up her own mind and likes being able to go where she wants to go and do what she wants to do without compromise. She knows what she wants and she wants it now, regardless of whether that’s what you want. She isn’t used to discussing decisions or having to explain her reasons. Italy or Austria this weekend? Who cares? She wasn’t asking you.
She’s stubborn.
This woman’s biked 300 kilometers in the pouring rain just because she said she would. You want to spend half a day driving to Moldova to taste the wine? Fine. She wants to see the monastery and palace in Sinaia. She’ll meet up with you a few days later in Bucharest.
Traveling is her priority. Not you.
All of her decisions and dreams revolve around the next destination. Going out to dinner or to a concert with you leave her wondering what she could have done on her next trip with that money instead. She’s not thinking about “you” or “us”. She’s thinking about Belize or Bali or Bosnia… hmm, Bosnia…
She’s unpredictable.
She planned to go to Patagonia for the winter holidays, but turns out tickets are cheaper to Krabi. The only thing you can really count on is that she’s going somewhere.
She has goals.
Granted this is probably just a list of the approximately 200 countries in the world. But she always has something she’s working towards…something to be more focused on than you. Don’t worry about getting in the way, she’ll just push you aside.
She’s uncommitted.
The woman who travels can’t decide on which country she’ll be living in next summer. OK, she can easily commit to plane tickets at the drop of a hat. But meeting your parents next month? Why are you smothering her!?
She’s picky.
If the pizza isn’t from Naples, is it really worth eating? She’s as picky about men as she is about her beer, flight prices, and accommodation choices. The woman who travels has experienced enough to know what’s good and what’s not worth it. She won’t waste her time if it’s not worth it.
She’s not present.
She’s always away and when she’s not, she’s thinking about where she’s going away to next. Her head is constantly in the clouds dreaming about her next trip and wishing she was anywhere but home.
“Home” is a meaningless word.
She never wants to be there. It’s just where she stores her stuff and gets her mail. For her, home is linked to a few precious people more than it is to a place. And joining this group of people is tougher than Robert De Niro’s “circle of trust” in Meet the Parents.
She’s active.
Not in that she’s into running marathons (or maybe she is). But she is always planning and then doing. She loves to squeeze the most out of every minute. And she’ll either regret all those wasted Saturdays or leave you, because…
She always leaves.
This is also difficult for the woman who travels herself. Even if she falls in love with a place (or with you), she’ll eventually leave. She can’t help it. She has to go. Don’t try to make it harder for her.
This article was the only one I found which agreed that you should not date a woman who travels. The author reasons more poetically than my blunt and cynical list, but we agree “if you unintentionally fall in love with [a woman who travels], don’t you dare keep her. Let her go.”
…She’ll just leave you anyways.
I love this article! You described me perfectly 😛
thanks for reading!
Seriously? This article had so much potential. Why describe ‘women who travel’ in such a negative light?? And why tell men that they shouldn’t date us?? EPIC travel adventures and a loving relationship can totally coexist!
Instead of the blatant negativity in regards to how awesome it is to be strong, independent, forward thinking, adventurous women, please illustrate us for who we really are, what we are capable of in life, and how big our hearts are. How about “she’s driven” instead of “she’s stubborn” and “she’s committed to her dreams” instead of “she’s uncommitted” and “she’s got taste” instead of “she’s picky.” It’s about attracting a strong partner that loves you for all these positive things, and never saying they love you “in spite of your need to travel.”
This article is limiting and sad. If a man can’t deal with a strong woman, then yes…..a traveler is not for him. If ANY man calls me selfish because I choose to travel rather than raising a family, that’s on him. Not me, as I love this life. But quit with the generalizing of ALL men… it’s dangerous.
I really appreciate your take on this and think you present a great strong argument for the positive side. thanks for sharing your thoughts!
You’re not wrong about putting things in a positive light, generally, but I think you’ve missed that this is somewhat tongue-in-cheek. (At least that was how I read it.) I don’t think the author is really saying to all men not to date women who travel because they can’t handle us. She’s saying don’t romanticize and infantilize the idea of this person, this strong, stubborn/driven woman who’s seen the world.
yes! <3 :) thanks for sharing your interpretation !!
All depends on what means “woman who travel solo” . After traveling abroad like a lot of people do, during holidays, and fall in love with young men here and there (trying twice to let them “live with me” (haha) in France > failures), I have worked abroad during some years, could stay 4 months somewhere or 3 years, and had the pleasure to have a number of boyfriends (aged from 24 to 50+) in my 35 to 48. 🙂 I learnt a lot from them including on the sexual “front” (haha) : came to think that even sex was cultural. :v Greaaat experiences (not all, though). Much BETTER than the few ones i experienced with my French boyfriends (too young ?). I still CANNOT date with “a man like me” = French 🙁 Not so much to learn, not that fun. Need differences.
Aw this is great! I especially love your very first sentence.
WE ARE F@*#ING WOMEN.
<3
thanks for the support! 🙂
Super disappointed by this article. Friend shared it, asking if it rang true. She’s independent? Of course. She’s a woman, not a girl, and the world is her oyster? Sure. She doesn’t need you? Probably true of any self-respecting and self-loving woman. To say she can’t commit herself and will leave you anyway? Honey you’re just projecting your own thing on a whole lot of women, and in the process telling potential partners everywhere that you’re not worth their effort – as a matter of fact, independent, self-loving women are just not worth it, they’re just moving on to their next goal (=country?) and next place anyway. Don’t confuse women who travel with this personal issue. And I’m truly disheartened that you can’t feel present when you’re traveling – if you’re constantly searching for the next thing/goal/country it has nothing to do with travel and everything to do with your inability to…be present. Which makes traveling a kind of sad endeavor. Rename this something else and save us loving, present women from the backlash of men who would read this and predictably say, “sorry, can’t date you…you travel.”. What the fuck?
thanks for the alternative perspective!
It’s the same abot men who travel. You can never keep them, they aways leave and they travels are always in priority.
haha yeah, i know one of those 😉
oh heck no! this girl married the most well travelled man she could find so that we could continue the adventure together! now i’ve found myself a very worldly, independent, forward thinking, well planned adventurous traveler so we can do this together!! i’m so confused bout this you guys!!!!
Right?! I loved this!!!! It was tongue in cheek, seems to me–but there is NO reason we should think differently about men and women who both have wanderlust. If you want to stay home, go ahead. The rest of us are dreaming of the next trip!
<3 :)
Thank you .. I love you so much for saying it out loud..
I echo ever single word of this article ..
I once dated a guy who didn’t understand the difference between a good coffee and a bad coffee or a good pizza and a bad pizza and I wanted to punch him in his face (despite the fact that I liked him a lot and he was beyond cute) but hey..
I can’t have a bad pizza
Or bad coffee
It’s luge bad sex .. It haunts me for months .. I would rather not have it and wait for a good one than regret unmidiatejy after having it (or sometimes during) ..
Loved this! Some men, even at older ages, have a real hard time with this! Glad you put it out there.
A friend of mine asked me if I wrote this, joking, of course. But I feel like I could have. I do have a home and I love being there, but I am always looking and preparing for that next destination. I have made an effort to find travel partners recently, but it never works out. They won’t commit. Travel requires commitment. I have also made an effort to find a partner in life recently, because at 47, I’m tired of doing everything alone and might just be willing to forgo a bit of travel and enjoy being at home with someone I love. But so far, it ain’t happnin’. This is a great article. I will definitely share it.
Thanks so much, Mary! I’m glad it struck a chord with you. It’s funny you mention other’s lack of commitment to traveling when I’ve mentioned the traveling woman’s lack of commitment to other things in life. We just need partners who are as passionate about travel as we are 😉 good luck!
Many great points. I personally feel that I have become more independent because of all of the issues that are unexpected when travelling, such as the missing suitcase!
yes, I agree! Travel teaches you so much along the way and really molds you as a person. You bring up a good point – do women who travel, travel because they have these qualities? or because they travel, they have developed these qualities?
Perspectives differs but so many inter-looping lines. Independent. Yes, somehow selfish you will say,but then happiness is what you make it. Distinguished and service oriented,crisscrossing helps you see the world in circles. But home is where you make it. Never stop travelling to live , to live is to interchange, and life goes on.
This is a great article with many truths! I am a married woman who travels and yes, I am sure that I am difficult to live with at times. Thankfully I have a very understanding husband! The only two points I disagree with are, 1. Now that I’ve traveled I am always present… And 2. Home is definitely not a meaningless word… I love coming home but I also feel at home wherever I go…. That said, we are definitely a different breed of woman!
Thanks, Lisa! Yeah, I agree, “home” is different for everyone. Maybe I just haven’t found the right one yet 🙂